Tuesday, October 23, 2007

The Devil went down to Tulsa...

In a hastily called press conference Monday afternoon following hot on the heels of Oral Roberts' accusations of attempted theft of his namesake university, Lucifer hotly denied the charge.

After the 89 year old minister proclaimed that "the devil is not going to steal ORU" earlier in the day following accusations of moral and ethical misconduct against his son Richard, who serves as president of the university, the Prince of Darkness retorted that he'd "had enough of that prudish old fart blaming all his problems on me."

Satan noted that "It's one thing to pin a second century plague, or some damned locusts on me in one of his meandering diatribes from the pulpit. Hell, I don't even remember, but yeah I probably had some hand in that." Before adding "But this is just too much! Christ, why would I even want his lousy school?!"

Beelzebub went on to note that he wouldn't even send his own children to the Oklahoma based university because Richard Roberts is "one seriously dark and twisted, messed up dude. Besides, isn't the whole point of college to have sex without consequence and to smoke lots of dope? Probably not a whole lot of panties and pot at good 'ole Oral U."

you walk like an angel, talk like an angel...but i got wise.


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