Friday, June 22, 2007

Paper Tiger

With Father's Day numero deuce down as one for the books, what better time to look back on the time spent with my bride and my boy as a daddy over this past year plus?

It still catches me off guard at times when I hear myself referred to as the "D word" as I feel the weight of the responsibility of it all settle on to my shoulders as I brace my legs in the hope that I can live up to that load, to successfully carry my Scout as his papa.

I know she'll disagree, but Wendy Lu has at least appeared to ease in to the mamacita role so effortlessly, she wears it so well, so beautifully, and pulls it off with such aplomb that a guy can't help but be inspired to want to match her stride for stride. While our performances in this play of life are decidedly different, with her not only acting as a primary food source, daycare provider and entertainer all rolled in to one, my time with that beautiful boy is limited by...well, by life.

While work can be (and often is) rewarding, a guy can't help be more than a little crestfallen when he closes that door out to the garage each morning after kissing his son's forehead and waving bye-bye to him for the next 10 hours or so. Reality at this stage in his life obviously dictates who the provider should be, but dammit if that makes the days away any easier. Whose brilliant fucking idea was this whole necessity for cash currency in exchange for goods and services, anyway?

But he's the reason I leave him each day. He's the reason I do this 5 days a week, while he's also the one thing that makes it all worthwhile. Knowing that I'm leaving him securely and soundly in the only other pair of
hands on this earth that I can entrust such a treasure to day after day...that eases the weight. Whenever that burden seems so damned heavy that my knees feel ready to buckle, she's always there to lend me a steadying hand, to walk beside me and to share my load, all the while never placing her own at anyone else's feet.

While I (like most men) have grandiose images of myself as a strong soldier, a hero to my family, a beacon of security in the most severe storm, the belief that I'm some sort of rock...she is, without question, the strongest person I have ever known. Love and understanding, inspiration and ideas always there for her two boys to rely on. Cover and comfort to not only my son, but to me.

She is the paper to my rock.

hold the paper up to the light...some rays pass right through.


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